Introspection
This blog isn’t what I wanted Blackened Sun to be. It should be my personal “brand” and a portfolio of work that I’m actually capable of showing. The blog was going to be a part of that, not the primary focus. I figured the sooner I can get the site up, the better. The portfolio will come, eventually, especially once I actually manage to create some works that I’m allowed to show off. My current job prohibits that, and I’m not all that proud of my earlier works (I know I could have done them better than I did), especially considering my current works, and how much I have improved over the past 2 years. Not to mention the dark and gloomy aspect of the previous versions of Blackened Sun no longer fit who I am, and I wanted to change that and break away from the colors. I even thought of changing the name, but Blackened Sun has been with me for such a long time already (bought the domain on July 28, 2006, but I’ve used the name since before 2003).
I feel that I have really changed in the last 6 years since I graduated high school, for better or worse (I think for the better) and I wanted my website to finally reflect that change. The depressing “blackened sun” and black colors of the previous versions, which did indeed represent (in some extent) my inner turmoil, didn’t represent me anymore. I have finally broken away (I think) from that, and I have certainly become better because of it.
The past couple of years, due to a few circumstances I shall not discuss, I have really changed in how I perceive myself online. The once insanely public presence I kept online had turned out to be flawed, and I was reeling from it, and I completely shut down my two major active presences online (Facebook and Twitter) to private only. It really made me wonder about my presence on the internet. I cleaned up my presence, and made them public again, at least in part.
A couple months ago I went through my friends list on Facebook and removed all of those “friends” that were simply “oh, we went to school together and I said hi once… FRIEND” and never spoke to. They didn’t care about my life, and I don’t care about theirs, so why keep that connection active for absolutely no reason? I still add some of those, as I meet people, but this is as we expect to talk. In 6 months if the conversation dies down to absolutely nothing, I’ll probably remove them again.
I also decided last week to remove my accounts on a couple of websites. Shutting down the excess that have no effect on my life. I really don’t need all those pointless “What [something] are you?” apps on Facebook. I don’t need my Myspace account anymore (almost every important friend is on Facebook, too). I’m really turning into how I always felt: Cut out the excess that have no true impact, and only worry about the big things. Forget the minuscule, pointless things. It’s stupid to argue over the meaningless.
It’s a philosophy so many people tend to completely ignore. Drama and gossip is prevalent in high school. People complain about the small things, and bitch and moan, and all it does is get them stressed. Unnecessary stress. Even when a big thing comes your way, take it with a grain of salt. Don’t immediately assume the worse… It may turn into a small issue after all. When my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, or even when she was in the big motorcycle accident with her fiancé, I didn’t let it get to me, because we certainly didn’t know how bad it was going to be. Giving up when you’re diagnosed (“oh, well, I have cancer, guess I’m going to die”) is not a way to live, not to mention I do believe in the power of good thoughts, and if you give up on your will to live, you WILL have a higher chance of dying.
Don’t be disappointed that the reservation didn’t happen. Just shrug it off, and go to a different restaurant. Take every moment as it comes. Sure the future is important, and you should plan for it, but don’t stress yourself over it. I keep a good eye on my future, but I don’t plan my present 100% to get to the goals I have set for myself in the future. This allows change, allows you to “so, ok, I guess this path won’t work, and I’ll have to take another one” without freaking out over the fact that it’s not happening as fast as you want it to. Pixar’s movie Up has a great intro that does something like that. It involved a couple of characters saving money for a vacation, but they had to keep breaking into it to afford issues with their house, and life, that got in the way. But they never got sad over it, because “hey… that’s life… c’est la vie”… Sure, it sucks that you can’t do what you want to do, but at least you’re still healthy and alive, and in their case, still happily in love.
The population needs to start noticing the things that matter, and focus on the things that really deserve their attention. They need to understand that those small things are so minuscule compared to the larger picture, and aren’t worth fretting over.
I certainly think I have moved beyond that. I may have moments where I do get frustrated over the small things. If that ever happens while I’m around you… Please smack me and point it out. It’s so weird to put things in such a perspective where you realize that half of the stuff that you do on a daily or weekly basis truly have no impact on who you are and who you should try to be. You realize that you really have been wasting your time over such simple things.
Aaaaaand I’m sure this turned into another rant that makes no sense. Comments about this are appreciated!
Temporary Hiatus
As I have been packing, painting, and cleaning for the move to my new place, I simply haven’t had the mindset (or the ideas) for new blog posts. I have been working and fixing up the place every day for the past 5 days, and it’s not slowing down yet. I am exhausted, but it must get done. Therefore, it may be a little while until I update this again.
I set out for the goal of updating this twice a week, but I always struggle to come up with things to talk about, especially considering that I want to avoid directly talking about my personal life (well, perhaps at the most keeping it vague).
So perhaps this “hiatus” may simply mean less frequency with my blog posting. *shrug* It certainly didn’t help that my blog went down for that week I was on vacation, and it still hasn’t fully recovered (you might notice that the earlier blog posts are still missing images)… It’s frustrating when your code goes down and there’s nothing you can do about it. Watch, as soon as this post is made, it won’t actually mean anything and I’ll find random stuff to rant about and post on here.
Be forewarned, my blog posting may have less frequency. Though this post gave me the idea for another entry, which will be up later this week 